We all have limited time in our hourglass of life. How will you use the valuable sand in your hourglass?
For those of you who follow my blog, you would know from 3 Lessons on Coping With Life's Adversities posted on Jan 14 that I had experienced the 3rd health crisis in my life over this past Christmas and New Year's holidays. At the time of writing that post, I was still awaiting follow-up test results on my Endometrial cancer diagnosis status.
Last week, I received great news from my doctor that my surgery was successful in removing the tumours and that there is no spread of cancer cells. I will not need any further treatment and I am healing well from surgery.
This was amazing news just before the Lunar New Year. My husband and I breathed a collective sigh of relief, and the bricks of worry we had carried for months were lifted from our shoulders.
To be honest, it was hard to feel festive over Christmas and New Year's with my health status and surgeries. So to be able to welcome the Lunar New Year with good news and worry-free felt like a do-over for starting 2023.
I find myself reassessing, re-evaluating and refocusing on how to use life's precious and limited time. I find myself filled with even more gratitude for the opportunity to have more healthy years in life.
As I summarized in 3 Lessons on Coping With Life's Adversities:
Experiencing the bad has given me an even greater appreciation of the good in life and the desire to make something greater with my life.
This perspective is not only about goals, productivity and achievements. I will continue with those grand plans too. This perspective is also about enjoying life, relationships and mindfulness of each valuable moment in life because none of us know how much time we have.
Experiencing the early death of my parents, and surviving a brain tumour, lymphoma and now Endometrial cancer, I am acutely aware of the limited time we have in our hourglass of life. This latest experience has brought to the forefront what really matters in life and that we should not take anything for granted.
Here are 3 things that I will do more of with the valuable sand in my hourglass.
1. Appreciate the Details Even More
I was incredibly lucky to have had a bed with a view during my hospital stay for my operation at the beginning of January. Being able to see the beautiful world outside my window gave me a sense of calm and hope.
It was a joy to watch the sunrise and sunset. I loved watching the ebb and flow of busy traffic. I loved watching the joggers and various games that were being played on the soccer fields.
During a time when I was restricted to bed rest and could not be active in the world, the view outside my window became so enticing and I relished the details even more. The view from that hospital bed window inspired and motivated me to live life fully in the world regardless of what lay ahead.
I couldn't eat the day before surgery and had no appetite for a couple of days after surgery. So when I was well enough to hold down solid foods, everything tasted more flavorful. Simple things like the crunch and sweetness of an apple tasted like the most amazing exotic fruit.
It feels like my mindfulness dial has been turned up to maximum. Life is too limited to take anything for granted.
I appreciate the moments and details even more. When faced with fears of how long you have left on this planet, the sights, sounds, tastes, smells and textures of the world become so much more vivid.
2. Gain Strength From Vulnerability
This photo was taken by my husband as he sat at my bedside after my surgery. I was still slipping in and out of sleep from the anesthesia. He sent this photo to our sons in Canada to let them know that I was safely out of surgery. I didn't see it until I woke up the next day.
Dealing with this cancer scare, I allowed myself to show just how scared and vulnerable I felt to my husband. In doing so, we have become the closest we have ever been in our 32 years of marriage. In being open to expressing my vulnerability, he understood how to help and support me through this experience. He is and always will be my rock.
In my past challenges and crisis, I stayed strong and hid the fears that I felt because I didn't want to burden anyone with my worries. From the age of 6 when my father died, it was ingrained into my psyche that as the oldest daughter, I had to be strong and look after my family. No one asked me about my grief or my needs as a child or a young 20-year-old when my mother passed. It was always, stay strong and carry on and carry on for others.
So none of my friends knew about my brain tumour discovered when I was 28. Very few people knew about my lymphoma when I was 45. I was very guarded about what I shared emotionally and didn't want to burden anyone with my fears and didn't allow myself to be vulnerable.
This time I chose a different path. I shared my fears and feelings of vulnerability with my family and close friends. I discovered that the people I cared for wanted the chance to care for me too.
Allowing myself to show vulnerability, I discovered the strength and support of loved ones.
3. Be More Authentically Me
In my blog What a Lifetime as a Misfit Taught Me About How to Stand Out?, I share how growing up as a Hong Kong Chinese immigrant in Canada and then moving to live and work in Hong Kong as a Canadian made me feel like a lifetime misfit. I didn't look Canadian when living in Canada, and I don't look and sound Chinese enough in many instances in Hong Kong because of my limited Cantonese and western grooming style.
For most of my 25 years as an adult living and working in Hong Kong, I have felt the need to apologize for my lack of Cantonese understanding beyond casual daily conversations. In settings where there is more formal and technical language, like in a hospital, I feel frustrated and misunderstood.
It's taken me a long time to unapologetically ask people to speak to me in English instead of me trying to cope in limited Cantonese. I always felt the shame of myself as a failed Hong Kong Chinese citizen.
But I have the right to ask to communicate in English when I know that the hospital staff and doctors can do so. I have the right to understand thoroughly what is happening to me at each step of the surgery and recovery in my preferred language.
It was liberating to just ask to be communicated to in English upfront and be more authentically me. I stopped apologizing for my broken Cantonese. And the doctors and nurses were more than happy to switch to English.
I can only live my life fully if I live it authentically. I will embrace my Hong Kong-born, Canadian-raised self and stop apologizing for my uniqueness.
How Many 2nd Chances Do We Get?
I am incredibly aware of how lucky I am to have come through 3 health crises that have not dramatically impacted the quality of my life. I am abundantly grateful for the years in my life and the life in my years thus far.
I will make the most of each lesson that these experiences are teaching me. I will make the most of this and every 2nd chance I'm given and each precious grain of sand in my hourglass.
I leave you this week with one of my all-time favourite TED Talks, What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on Happiness.
It's true what they say about seeing what's most important in life when you are faced with your mortality. In my hospital bed, my thoughts were not of wanting more time to work, build a career, buy more things or be prideful. My thoughts were of wanting more time to be with the people that make my life a happy one.
Check out the new book that expands on the findings from the longest scientific study of happiness:
The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness - by Robert Waldinger MD and Marc Schulz PhD
I would love to hear your comments!
What is something that you would consider a must-do before your time runs out?
How will you use the valuable sand in your hourglass?
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This was a good reminder of how precious life is.