Recognizing all the amazing dads for Father's Day this month, here are three important ways fathers inspire confidence and character in their children.
What will you get your dad for Father's Day this month?
For those of you who have read my origin story blogs "It's Never Too Late to Turn a New Page" and my "My Epic 80's Romance", you would have learned that I lost my father at the age of 6 so I have very limited experience in purchasing Father's Day gifts.
In my early childhood memories, I remember my father as fun, gentle and encouraging of me to be adventurous and use my imagination when we played. I remember riding on the back of his motorcycle scooter and pretending to be racing as he slowly drove it to the parking garage. I remember helping him feed his aquarium of tropical fish and making up stories about the colourful inhabitants.
Most of all, I felt the love he had for my little brother and me, even though our time together was brief. It was in his eyes and in his voice when he spoke to us. That feeling has not faded even after a lifetime without him.
I often wondered how he would have influenced my life if he had not passed away so young. I wonder how he would have coped with my adolescence? How would he have interrogated my first date? Would he have cried as he gave me away on my wedding day? What mischief would he get into with my sons as a grandfather?
What would have been an appropriate Father's Day gift for him?
We don't get to choose the parents we are born to in this world. We don't get to choose how long we have with our parents in our lives. If we are lucky, we will have loving parents who are there to support us throughout our life.
So while I may not have benefited from my father's influence over my lifetime, I know the importance of a father's influence in a child's development and upbringing as seen through the eyes of my sons.
My sons won the "World's Best Dad" lottery with my husband.
The confident and principle-centred young men that our boys are now have been directly influenced by the example set by their father. I am amazed and in awe of the positive and inspirational role that my husband has played in our sons' lives and continues to do so as they grow into their 20s.
In tribute to Father's Day this month, this week's blog celebrates all the #1 Dads out there who roll up their sleeves and put in the effort to be involved, supportive and have fun in their fatherhood journey.
This week I share the 3 vital ways that my husband has influenced the confidence and character of our sons thus far in his fatherhood journey.
1. Being Present in the Moments
As many working parents know, we are limited by time and all that we need to get done in a day. How we show up for our family in the precious time that we have with them are the moments that count.
It took my husband and I seven years to be able to conceive our firstborn. The challenging fertility journey made us value our roles as parents even more. (To get the full story, read my blog "Finding Super Strength in Adversity")
From day 1 my husband was a hands-on father. Never afraid of the messiness and up for every task from diapers to feedings to projectile vomit. Always ready for a game, a story or just hang time. He was able to leave the stress of work at the door and be present for the moments that mattered as a family.
During their early childhood years, the stability and engagement with their father built a safe and nurturing environment. My husband was amazing at fostering learning and creativity through play and storytelling.
Our evening rituals included bedtime stories by popular demand until the boys were around 10 & 12. The boys loved the silliness of their father's vocal performances for their favourite books. The book readings evolved to joke-telling and making up their own stories as they got older. These moments of giggles and laughter ensured that the boys went to bed happy every night.
When the boys were in their teens, the evening rituals became about catching up with them on their day. The evening conversations, with some silliness included, fostered communication and trust habits which helped us and them through their teenage years.
By being present in the moments with our sons throughout their lives, my husband showed how he would always be there for them. He has helped them be better communicators and helped them to value family bonds.
2. Walking and Guiding Alongside
I have many fuzzy photos of my husband walking alongside his sons as I followed from behind trying to keep up with their long strides. These are some of my favourite moments in observing how well they get along with each other. Sometimes, it's hard to tell who is the dad as the boys started to grow and catch up to their father's height.
These are also my favourite images because they exemplify my husband's "guide alongside" parenting style. He has always been interested in hearing my sons' perspectives and sharing different viewpoints for them to consider instead of being a domineering parent.
Our sons have benefited from their father's interaction approach in their own lives and how they interact with others. They are open-minded and respectful of differing opinions.
They have inherited their father's ability to see from others' perspectives and share theirs appropriately.
Our sons have gained characteristics of kindness and compassion by being able to put themselves in others' shoes. They have gained confidence in expressing their thoughts and opinions because they have been treated with respect as children and youth.
Walking beside our sons in life as they grow, and understanding their journey and perspectives have been key to their father-son closeness. Even now as young adults studying abroad in university, they continue to reach out to their father for advice.
3. Encouraging Adventure and Exploration
Mothers will always be more worried about their children's safety than fathers, especially when raising active boys. My husband is the perfect counterpart for me in this respect as he encouraged the boys to be adventurous and to explore the world as soon as they could walk.
I am grateful that my husband includes safety considerations in his encouragement of their adventure and exploration. Even if his idea of safe and my idea of safe have some degrees of separation. 😉
Perhaps because my husband is a child at heart and has the same curiosity for exploration, he has always been able to connect with our sons through various adventures.
When they were young boys, adventures happened in the park, at the zoo, in the pool and even in the library where my husband gave them the time to explore and play at their own pace.
Once the boys were older the adventures got bigger:
Climbing a remote section of the Great Wall of China.
Riding on the back of motorcycle taxis in the busy streets of Bangkok (and telling me much after the fact😅).
Exploring the crevasses of a Canadian Ice Glacier and drinking the runoff water.🤢
Challenging activity parks with ziplining and obstacle courses on Sentosa Island.
Simulated skydiving, flow riding lessons, snowboarding lessons, and encouragement to try whatever sport they were interested in.
Regardless of whether the adventure was big or small, the underlying message their father expressed to them was to live, learn, laugh and be brave. He taught our sons to appreciate the world we live in and to live boldly in that world.
The Legacy We Leave Behind
Ultimately, our goal in parenting is to prepare our children to be confident, conscientious, considerate and courageous in their lives. We hope that our sons will find success and fulfilment in life by their own definitions. All we can do is give them the best foundation to build their lives from.
Parenting is a journey of learning about our capacity to love and care for our children that evolves with time. The journey also tests our ability to lead by example and be accountable to do as we say and as we do.
The mindset and behaviour a father sets in his relationships with his children will impact how his children relate with other people and the world.
Because of the strong example that their father has set for them by being present in the moments, walking and guiding alongside, and encouraging adventure and exploration, I am confident that our sons have a strong foundation on which to build their lives.
To all the amazing fathers and father figures out there, thank you for all you do to support your family. Happy Father's Day!
Here are some informative articles if you want to learn more about the amazingness of a father's impact on their children.
The Encouraging Science of Fatherhood and the "Father Effect" - Online Article - fatherly.com
5 Essential Ways Fathers Influence Their Sons - Online Article - masandpas.com
5 Reasons Dads are so Important to Their Daughters - Online Article - tinybeans.com
I would love to hear your comments!
What is the one thing that you are most grateful to your father for and why?
What is the best Father's Day present you have ever given or received?
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