Our time with our Moms is limited and we should find ways to make their day more often, not just on Mother's Day. Here are 3 gifts that will make your mom's day any time of the year.
In my blog Lessons in Courage From My Mom, I share how despite my limited time with my mom, the lessons I learned from her are lifelong. She has been a guiding angel in my life and a source of strength in my journey as a mom and during my own struggles with cancer.
I may not have appreciated her value in my younger life and did not express it enough during my time with her. But as a child, teen and young adult, I thought my mom would always be there. I was not at the stage where I could appreciate her important role in my life and as a part of who I am.
I wish I could have had an adult child-to-parent relationship with her. Especially when I became a mother.
Normally, May is a trigger month for grief for my mom who passed away when I was 20. May also triggers my Empty Nest Syndrome as I miss my sons who now live/study/work in Canada while my husband and I are based in Hong Kong.
This year, the stars aligned and both sons can spend a month with us to vacation in Japan and have family visiting time in Hong Kong. I am incredibly grateful to have both sons to hug in person this Mother's Day.
I am acutely aware of how lucky I am to have this family time with them both together. I am grateful for the opportunity to grow our parent-to-adult-child relationship as they embark on their careers and independent lives.
All moms want their children to grow and flourish into their independent successful lives.
I know their lives will get busy and they will have less need to seek a mother's guidance and less time to connect with me. While I know they do not mean to take me for granted at times, life just changes as will our relationship.
On this Mother's Day, I will relish the time together with my sons before they head back to building their lives in Canada.
To all sons and daughters thinking of and celebrating their moms today, this is a gentle reminder of 3 gifts that will make your mom's day on any day of the year, not just on Mother's Day.
Gift 1: Your Time
Moms get it. Life for our children gets busier and busier as they get older. Just like our lives did when we were young. So when you make time to spend with us to catch up over cooking a meal or just hanging out for a coffee, it means the world to us.
When you spend time with us, it's not just about doing what we are interested in. We want to discover and spend time doing what interests you too. We want to connect and learn about your lives and things that you like doing.
One of the most valuable gifts you can give your mom is your time because as your life is getting started, we know how limited your free time is. When you make time for us and are truly present with us, we feel your appreciation and we feel valued.
Gift 2: Your Words
In my day, my mom waited by the landline phone for our weekly Thursday night phone calls while I was away at college. It didn't matter that long-distance call charges were expensive back then, it made her week to talk to me for those 10 to 15 expensive minutes. (Yes, this is how Gen X communicated before easy access to the internet and the invention of the smartphone.)
Today, it's easier than ever to communicate regularly with your mom. So what's stopping you from doing so? I know you reach for your phone as soon as you get out of bed and before you go to bed.
It amazes me how receiving a simple text from my sons to say hello or a silly meme that they think I would find funny is the most wonderful feeling to me as a mom. It lets me know that they are thinking of me.
In our tech-savvy world, there is no excuse for not reaching out to say hello or doing a quick catchup video call with your mother. Just a few words to say, "I'm thinking about you." will let your mom know that you appreciate her on Mother's Day and any day of the year.
Gift 3: Your Hugs
One of the things that I miss the most is the feeling of hugging my children. When they were small, they loved curling up beside me for bedtime stories, watching their favourite movies or just because they needed a hug.
I miss how I could scoop them up in my arms and envelop them with my love and protect them from the world.
Once they reached their teens and grew taller than me, it seemed like the end of the days for long snuggly hugs.
I especially savour the times when I can hug my sons now that they live so far away from me. There is nothing like a good bear hug to make me feel loved and appreciated any day of the year.
If you are lucky enough to live near your mom, don't be shy about hugging her. Your hugs make us feel secure and loved, just as our hugs felt to you when you were little. If you are near your mom on Mother's Day, give her a bear hug and let her know you appreciate her always.
The Circle of Life
When we are children, we think of our moms as the caregivers who kiss our boo-boos better and make us the best PB&J sandwiches.
When we are teens, we think of our moms as the rule enforcers, worriers and sometimes the safe confidants when we need guidance.
As we grow into young adults, we tend to think less of our moms as we forge our own identities and begin our busy lives.
At each stage, we sometimes take our moms for granted in some way. We expect that they will always be there for us and express our appreciation on the commercially dictated Mother's Day.
I only had 20 years of life with my mom. She was diagnosed with cancer when I was 16 and passed away from her cancer when I was 20. So my experience with celebrating my mom on Mother's Day is limited.
Now a mother of two sons aged 22 and 24, I am in new territory as I navigate our parent-to-adult relationship beyond the time that I had with my mother.
One of the biggest lessons I learned in my short time with my mom is to cherish every moment with my sons, the good and the tough moments. I have thoroughly enjoyed each of their developmental stages and watching them become the incredible people they are today.
I honestly could not ask for more on Mother's Day and any day of the year than to be connected and have value in my sons' lives. And to honour my mom, I think of her often and share my precious stories of her with my sons so that they may know her too.
Wishing moms of every kind a wonderful Mother's Day and hoping that you know you are appreciated 365 days a year.
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