The short story of how I became a midlife blogger. Pushing myself to be brave, leaving the safety of a successful corporate career, and sharing how we all can pivot with life's challenges.
I can't believe that I am posting my first blog in my 50s!
I am excited about my new website and the ability to share my life lessons, coaching & mentoring skills, and self-development expertise that I have gained over my 20 years in the learning and development industry.
I am also terrified of sharing so much of my life on an open platform, but I believe there are great lessons to be learned from everyone's life stories. I hope that sharing my unique journey to be brave in this new chapter of my life will help others to also step courageously outside their comfort zone. Read on to see how I got here!
When My Career Began to Diverge From My Purpose
In 2017, I walked away from a successful 15-year executive management role with a global beauty cosmetic company to start my own business. Yes, I was early to the "Great Resignation" trend. However, the events that lead up to me walking away from a job that I loved are similar to what happened to many people during the Covid-19 pandemic. When life trauma gives you a wake-up call, you can't help but reassess what you want in your life.
I had been working for various fashion and beauty corporations for over 30 years and was at a place in my life where I no longer felt inspired by the work I was doing day in and day out.
As a learning & development specialist, my passion was for helping others to discover, appreciate and grow their unique talents.
Connecting with employees, creating engaging training programs, coaching, and mentoring were the elements in my career that I was uniquely good at and enjoyed. But as I got increasingly involved in the corporate management side, I was dealing more with business development meetings and endless fiscal strategy presentation decks than I was connecting with the staff I was leading.
The truth was that my job no longer aligned with my values, purpose, and vision for my life. The consequences of the increasing misalignment were persistent stress and anxiety, as well as questioning my abilities to continue or succeed.
I knew I wanted and needed to focus more on work that gave me joy and fulfillment and aligned with my sense of purpose. But how can I walk away from a secure job with great benefits, a team that I considered family, and the niche department of learning & development that I had helped to create in the Asia Pacific region? Who am I without the company title and recognition that took 15 years to build? What influence would I have outside of my company? The skeptical questions of self-doubt continued.
In hindsight, I had already begun to leave my job in 2015, two years before handing in my resignation letter. Like many people, it took a personal traumatic event to make me question my life's choices and be open to the need for change.
When My Body Told Me to Hit the Pause Button
In 2015, I was diagnosed with MALT (mucosa-associated lymphoid tissue) Lymphoma. I found a small fleshy growth on the inside of my left, lower eyelid while I was doing my makeup one day. I was lucky to have discovered the growth early. After two eye surgeries and three rounds of targeted treatment, the lymphoma is under control and I only need to maintain my annual check-ups with my oncologist to monitor for any changes.
During the year of treatment, I continued to work and only took a couple of weeks off in total. Only my immediate bosses and my closest direct reports knew what I was going through. At that time, I convinced myself that continuing to work was better for me to keep focused and recover faster.
My work involved a lot of travel as I oversaw 14 countries in the Asia Pacific region. I even remember having to conduct a business trip wearing sunglasses the entire trip to protect my healing left eye after surgery. I convinced myself that this was the way to be strong and prove to my company that my illness would not diminish my contribution to the company.
My body was screaming at me to pause, but I wasn't listening.
So when I was not listening to my physical health signs, my emotional health signs started popping up. I tried my best to hide the emotional distress I was experiencing, but I know those closest to me sensed something was off. I was not as optimistic as usual. I was less engaging and more stressed when dealing with various work projects.
At home, I was often tired and grumpy. Then I would feel guilty for not giving my best self to my family or at work. It was a vicious cycle that went on for another 6 months. It got to a point when I dreaded having to go to work each morning and was resentful about having to leave my family for business trips.
What I was trying to prove by continuing to push so hard with work while my body was battling cancer?
When I completed the final targeted treatment for my lymphoma, my doctor told me that the blood work was showing signs of success. It was the first time I felt a renewed sense of hope. I also felt like someone had slapped me upside the head and said, "Now don't ignore what your body and soul are telling you!" At that moment, I knew I had to make some meaningful life changes in my life and respect what my body was telling me.
Being Brave Enough to Ask for Help
All my life it's been hard for me to ask for help. I was always the strong one. Being the eldest daughter, I had to start caring for myself and my siblings beginning with the death of my father when I was 6 and then with my mom's death when I was 20.
For most of my life, I was the one that took care of others and whom others would come to for help. It was so ingrained in me to be the caretaker and problem solver that I would not ask for help for fear of burdening others. Even with those closest to me like my husband, family, and friends. So to ask for help from my company and team was a steep and scary step to take. I was afraid they would think I was less able to do my job.
But it was time for me to take my own coaching advice and let people help me so that I could grow and so that my team could grow even more.
I asked my company for an extended leave of 8 weeks. I am based in Hong Kong and sabbaticals are not a common request in the Asian corporate work culture. I chose a time in my calendar when there would be the least disruption to the company and the teams that I lead. I created a workflow plan for the 8 weeks and made my boss and my direct reports feel safe about me being away that long.
Then I hit the "out of office" on my email account. It was exhilarated and terrifying at the same time. The surprising part of asking for help from my team was the amount of support they gave me. They were genuinely happy to see me take time away as they saw that I had been struggling, even when I wouldn't admit it to myself.
Being Brave Enough to Accept When to Move On
The 8-week leave passed in a blink of an eye and as I approached my return to work date, I could feel the stress and anxiety building in my stomach. This was not how I thought I would feel about returning to work. I thought I would feel refreshed and energized to dive into the busiest season in my work calendar and excel in finishing the final quarter of the fiscal year. Instead, I was still plagued with questions.
Why was I giving away so much of my time for a job that required up to 50% travel time away from my family? Why was I stressing out so much about company goals over my own life goals? Why was I settling for the familiarity and safety of work that I knew vs. striving for my dream of helping others to discover and grow their strengths and talents?
In those 8 weeks, I got a sneak peek at what life would be like if I were free to learn, read, and be completely available to my family. I allowed myself to dream about another way of working where I could fully utilize my strengths and talents and feel a sense of purpose that didn't involve someone else's bottom line.
What if all that hard work I did was for my own small business's bottom line? What if my work schedule would revolve around my family's needs instead of the other way around? The more I asked myself these questions, the more it confirmed in my heart that it was time to move on.
When I accepted the truth that it was time to resign, I could feel an immediate lightness in my heart. Others saw the difference and would comment, "You look so bright and refreshed." And it was hard to contain myself during the months prior to my resignation announcement.
I gave myself an end date and created my exit plan so that I could honourably leave my 15-year career with a company that I loved and teams of people who had become dear friends. The last year with my company was a year of clarity and intentional productivity that would set up my team to continue successfully without me.
What I didn't know at the time was how the company had plans to restructure. My department would be downsized globally as the company looked for ways to streamline people to improve profits. I was lucky to leave on my terms and to be able to say goodbye in my own way.
Life Without a Safety Net
Going from the safety of a corporate career to being self-employed was a frightening transition. I frantically set goals for myself to get my business license, and appropriate certifications, take formal courses so that I had credibility on my new resume and profile, etc, etc, etc. There was no longer a company title or built-in network that knew me by name and reputation.
The imposter syndrome began to build in my head and the voices were shouting "Who are you to lead your own business?" "What expertise do you have to provide anyone?" "What makes you so special?" I felt an enormous pressure to establish myself quickly or I would lose any credibility that I had gained from my corporate career. I was filling up my calendar with busyness to prove my worth to myself as a professional. I was losing sight of why I chose to be an entrepreneur.
The whole point of starting my own business was to be able to do meaningful work that would fit into a lifestyle where my family could come first. To create the balanced life that I dreamed of.
My sons were in their final years of middle school and were preparing to go off to universities abroad in Canada. I had to sacrifice so much of my time with them over 15 years in a travelling regional corporate role. One of the key motivations to leave corporate life was to spend time with them while I still could; before they ventured off into their young adulthood.
So I took a breath and permitted myself to enjoy my new life without a safety net. Once I did that, I could build the balance I wanted.
From 2017 through 2019, I was enjoying my consulting work with a new network of clients and putting all the best parts of my interests and talents to work on meaningful projects that stretched my abilities. I could work around my family's needs and set time aside to have adventures with my boys and my husband. I could take courses that I had always wanted to and get back to my arts and creative projects. It was a great start to my next chapter...
Then Along Came Covid-19 to Stop the World in its Track
In December of 2019 in Hong Kong, we were hearing whispers of a SARS-like virus in other parts of China and there was a growing fear of it spreading across the border. I was in Hong Kong during the 2003 SARS pandemic and the thought of another round was terrifying. We started wearing masks as a society automatically before Covid-19 was announced. We were the first country to start hoarding toilet paper and disinfectants.
By January 2020 Hong Kong was already preparing to implement border closures and social distancing restrictions. By February, the famous bustling streets of the city were eerily quiet as we hunkered down in semi-lockdown and waited for the pandemic to pass as the 2003 SARS did in about 4 months.
By March, all the consulting projects that I had lined up were either on hold or cancelled. Covid-19 spread across the world and businesses scramble to figure out how to work in the evolving "new normal". I put the business on pause to focus on getting my family through this new reality.
And so here we are at the beginning of 2022, globally battered and bruised after 5 waves of Covid-19. The world has shifted in values and behaviours and we are still not done shifting.
Work-life balance has taken on a new meaning as Work-From-Home often means working 24/7 while being a tech expert in the new virtual meeting space. And for the parents out there, they also had to be full-time entertainers and teacher's assistants as schooling went online. Two years in, going into our third year of living in a pandemic, we are lucky if we still have jobs, careers and businesses.
In our new normal, I was asking myself, "What could I contribute as a coach, mentor, and consultant when there was so much turmoil in the world?" Moreover, I was struggling with anxiety and depression myself.
For me, the pandemic has meant not being able to visit my sons while they study in Canada. I have not physically seen my older son in a year and a half and my younger son in 7 months. Constantly worrying about their health and safety as Asian hate became increasingly prevalent and Covid-19 numbers stratosphere in North America. All on top of dealing with my pre-menopause symptoms and adapting to the emptiness of my new empty-nesting life.
Taking Another Pivot for Self-Care
For most of 2021, I was struggling with anxiety and mild depression which was not in my nature. I knew I had to get out of this funk for my own emotional and mental health. And so that I could be there for my family as we navigate through the continuing waves of Covid-19 uncertainty.
So I turned to my comfort habits to read and study self-help books, videos and activities to help me reignite feelings of joy and gratitude. In the process, I rediscovered my lost creative soul and my love of writing, painting, drawing, sewing and photography.
Top row: Brushing off my artistry skills with watercolour painting and Zentangle art.
Bottom row: Dusting off my design and sewing skills and mass-producing cloth masks for family and friends
This journey of rediscovering myself has also reignited my passion to help others. I had been wanting to start a website for years, but struggled with insecurities about being able to create value and was petrified of putting my life out there for all to see. I still am!
I also know that the time is right in my life to own my story and share my story. To share a lifetime of learning that has helped so many throughout my career with a wider audience.
So I promise to be brave and to share my unique life, life lessons and expertise with you as I embark on this new page in the next chapter of my career. I will need your help to engage with me in comments and discussions so that I can build a truly resourceful website to help you in your journey of self-development where ever you may be. Subscribe! Connect and join my journey to ignite our full potential!
I would love to hear your comments:
What has helped you deal with stress and anxiety during our pandemic?
What helps motivate you to keep moving forward?
Thank you for reading my "Origin Story".
I hope you will join me in sharing light, love and positivity with my new adventure.
Please share and subscribe to my passion project for self-development, self-care and mindfulness at AYClimitless.com