Vulnerability is often seen as weakness, but it's the moments of vulnerability that can build courage, strength and authenticity. Here are 3 ways to harness courage from life's moments of vulnerability.
It's the end of October and my annual checkup with my oncologist for my lymphoma is at the beginning of November. This year marks 8 years since I was diagnosed with lymphoma.
I should be celebrating this milestone of being successfully treated 8 years ago and having 8 healthy years without the need for additional treatment. But every year around this time, I feel anxious and vulnerable about what this year's annual checkup results will show.
This year, I am extra pensive. I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer shortly after Christmas 2022 and started the 2023 new year with surgery to remove my uterus, ovaries and lymph nodes. Again, I am lucky that the cancer cells had not spread outside the uterus. I do not require additional cancer treatment, aside from the quarterly checkup to monitor my status for now.
This November, I will have 2 oncologist checkups at two different hospitals. The annual checkup with my lymphoma oncologist and a quarterly checkup with my endometrial cancer oncologist. My rational brain knows these are standard routine checkups. My primal, emotional brain is making me feel anxious and vulnerable.
"Vulnerability is defined as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure."
If I am being honest, uncertain, emotionally exposed and at risk is how I have felt in many areas of my life since my surgeries in January of this year. While I am physically recovered, my mental and emotional healing from the ordeal is still in a vulnerable state. I keep wondering what the next catastrophe will be.
Catastrophizing is a natural reaction of our primal brain to protect us. But when it goes into overdrive, it can be depressive, de-motivating and anxiety-inducing.
Being a self-help advocate with a lifetime of experience in adversity recovery (read more in my blog 3 Lessons on Coping With Life's Adversities ), I turned to my library of self-help gurus for guidance.
One of my favourite authors, Brené Brown, specializes in research and study of vulnerability, shame and courage. Whenever I feel overwhelmed by feelings of vulnerability, I often turn to her podcasts, TEDTalks and books for comfort.
In revisiting her many motivational videos and podcasts, I came across these quotes that have helped lift me.
"You can't get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability."
"Hope is not how we feel, it's how we think."
It's natural to have vulnerable moments in life. In fact, vulnerability is part of any risk we take and can be the catalyst for courage and bravery.
This week as I rumble with my vulnerability and choose to think with hope for more healthy years ahead, I am sharing 3 ways to find courage in moments of vulnerability.
1. Shine a Light on Vulnerability
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word vulnerable as:
1. capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2. open to attack or damage
We all feel vulnerable at some point in our lives, either figuratively or literally.
When we are children we are vulnerable in so many physical and non-physical ways because we are new in the world and defenseless. We accept that children are vulnerable because they are physically smaller and in the developmental stages of learning the world around them and within them.
As we become adults, somewhere along the way, we are taught that vulnerability is a weakness. We hide it, mask it, and deny it in fear that if we expose how we feel, the world will judge us as weak. And when we suppress and numb vulnerability, we live less because living full-heartedly requires that we risk caring deeply.
When we recognize and accept vulnerability, we are shining light on the shadows of fear that live in our minds. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.
Only when we shed light on moments when we feel vulnerable can we understand ourselves better and learn to deal with those emotions and fears.
Image from BreneBrown.com
2. Begin With Small Acts of Courage
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines courage as the "mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty". The history of the word comes from
Middle English (denoting the heart, as the seat of feelings): from Old French corage, from Latin cor ‘heart’.
It's meaningful that the word courage has its origins in the Latin word 'cor' meaning heart. I believe that each of us has courage in our hearts and can choose to be courageous in times of vulnerability.
“Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.”
Winston Churchill
Not all acts of courage have to be as loud as a lion's roar. Acts of courage in our vulnerable moments can be as simple as taking small steps forward. Even the simple act of recognizing and acknowledging our vulnerability is a courageous step forward.
What's important is that we choose courage and take small steps toward healing and growing from life's moments of vulnerability. Each time we choose courage, we build it and become more resilient and more courageous.
Image from BreneBrown.com
3. Know Your Worth
Vulnerability is nothing to be ashamed of. It means that we are human. Our vulnerability is what connects us to each other as human beings.
Societal norms depict strength as invulnerability and abundant confidence all wrapped up with a perfect sparkling smile. Social media is full of curated snapshots of invulnerability and filtered perfection. But dig deeper and you will see that the genuine posts of vulnerable moments are what people engage and connect with.
In moments of vulnerability, it's easy to fall into a catastrophizing loop and doubt our abilities, thoughts, emotions and self-worth. It's easy to feel ashamed of our vulnerability when compared to the promotion of invulnerability all around us.
It's in these moments that we need to remind ourselves of our self-worth. Our ability to be vulnerable is a strength of character and our compassion to care for ourselves and others.
Image from BreneBrown.com
Embracing Vulnerability as a Natural Part of Life
Moments of vulnerability are inevitable in life. Losing a loved one, the end of a relationship, the beginning of a new relationship, raising our hand for a new project, the job that didn't work out, applying for a new job, these are all moments of vulnerability where we are at risk and exposed.
If one job didn't work out, we wouldn't stop applying for other jobs. We learn from the experience and take those lessons to our next opportunity.
If we build walls to protect ourselves from vulnerability, we distance ourselves from living life fully. Vulnerability is essential because it allows us to be open, share our authentic selves, and encourage those around us to do the same.
So as I rumble with my vulnerability ahead of my doctor's appointments next month, I remind myself that what I am feeling is natural. Whatever comes my way, I choose courage and hope and embrace that vulnerability is a natural part of life.
Other Insightful and Helpful Articles:
Recovering From the Fear of Vulnerability - Online Article - verywellmind.com
3 Lessons on Coping With Life's Adversities - Online Article - AYCLimitless.com
Revealing Is Healing: The Power of Vulnerability - Online Article - psychologytoday.com
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