When life feels a bit numb and aimless, finding purpose can help give you direction and motivation. Here are 3 exercises to help you discover or rediscover your life's purpose.
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” asked Alice.
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“—so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”
- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
This conversation between Alice and the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland aptly captures how I have been feeling over the past 6 months.
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland is one of my favourite books. As a child, I loved it for the pure fantastical story about a little girl who falls down a rabbit hole and discovers a topsy-turvy world with "mad" characters.
As an adult, I find iconic quotes from the characters transcend Wonderland and resonate with real life where it can really be a mad world.
In the last week of 2022, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. In the first week of 2023, I had surgery to remove my uterus, ovaries and lymph nodes. (You can read the full story in my blog, 3 Lessons on Coping With Life's Adversities.)
I am incredibly grateful that we caught the cancer early enough and that the hysterectomy successfully removed the cancer. My follow-up oncology appointments have shown good physical recovery. But I am still working through the emotional recovery.
Perhaps that's why I have been feeling a bit lost and aimless. Not to mention that Hong Kong, where I'm based, finally dropped all of its remaining Covid-19 mandates only in March 2023. Life is still in flux as the city resumes a new normal.
Over the past 3 years of pandemic life, I feel as if my consulting business has gone into retirement. I specialize in the learning and development and coaching industry, which has been severely impacted by Covid-19 restrictions in Hong Kong.
The industry is recovering, but I feel it has changed due to company cutbacks. People development is often about improving efficiency and not effectiveness. Especially as they cope with staffing vacancies across many industries.
So I am questioning my purpose as a consultant and what value I can provide to people during this time of frustration and flux. I am also questioning my purpose as a second-time cancer survivor and what I want to do with the rest of my one precious life.
In the past when I feel like I am stalled in my life or career, I found it helpful to focus on my purpose to help me find direction.
If we are lucky, we will have a long life and career. We will evolve and grow as our skills, knowledge and experiences do. So will our purpose.
Each time that I have found myself feeling lost and aimless, it's because I have strayed away from my purpose or need to rediscover its evolution. Here are 3 exercises that can help you to discover or rediscover your purpose.
1. Start With Some Ikigai Self-Reflection Questions
Ikigai is the Japanese philosophy referring to finding what gives a person a sense of purpose, a reason for living. The word iki means alive/life and gai means worth/purpose.
In the PositivePsychology.com article The Philosophy of Ikigai: 3 Examples About Finding Purpose by Jeffrey Gaines, Ph.D., he describes ikigai as a journey that "require(s) time, deep reflection and effort, but it is one that we can all make."
The goal is to achieve a state of "flow" when you are doing something you love, that you are good at, and that adds benefit and value to others' lives.
Ask yourself the following questions to discover your ikigai:
What do you love?
Think about experiences that bring you the most joy, and make you feel the most alive and fulfilled.
For me, it's my creative endeavours such as writing, painting and drawing. I also love to teach, share knowledge and help others to see their worth, abilities and talents. This includes my time with my family and sharing with them. When I am doing these activities, I feel the most alive and fulfilled.
What are you good at?
Think of specific skills, attributes, hobbies and talents that you are good at.
This was a hard question for me to answer. I had to find the courage to see my self-worth and acknowledge my strengths and talents. Growing up an Asian, female immigrant in western Canada in the 70s, self-worth and acceptance was hard to build.
It's taken decades of work but I can now proudly list what I am good at. My strongest attributes are compassion, kindness and creativity. I am a great active listener and genuine communicator. I am a good writer, presenter, teacher, artist and mentor.
What the world needs?
You may not be ready to take on the huge needs of all humanity, but you can start by thinking about the world around you and those you impact and influence.
In my past careers as a fashion designer, makeup artist, fashion retailer, manager, learning and development leader, consultant and coach, I have seen how people need to feel confident in order to reach their potential. I also see how they need to find peace and mindfulness for their overall mental health so that they can take on life's challenges.
What you can get paid for?
This question refers to the worth/value of services and products that result from doing what you love, that you are good at and is needed in the world.
Some passions and skills translate to a product or service that people will purchase more easily than others. Dr. Gaines explains that the "'sweet spot' within this ikigai diagram would therefore involve something you are passionate about, that you are also good at, that the world needs now, and for which someone will pay you."
My creativity and love of writing, art and teaching are skills that I am employed for in creating learning and development experiences for my clients. My skills of active listening and genuine communication help me to be an effective mentor and coach to employees and clients.
Payment in the ikigai philosophy also refers to rewards. In some instances, the sweet spot of ikigai is the reward of living life daily with joy and fulfillment. And isn't that what we all hope to find?
2. Check Your Life POV Prescription
"It's no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then."
- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
Are you holding on to beliefs that hold you back?
In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen Covey introduces the concept of paradigm shifts and how we see the world as we are and not as it is.
Our perspective of the world and of ourselves is like a prescription lens created by our values, life experiences, beliefs and culture. Our perspective or paradigm of ourselves and the world around us influences our thoughts, actions and behaviours.
Our paradigms also impact our daily self-talk. So if our paradigms are negative and limiting, we will transmit that to our beliefs, actions and behaviours.
For example:
The first few prospective client meetings that I had at the beginning of this year were unsuccessful. Companies were navigating their way out of hybrid work arrangements and dealing with low staff morale and residual "great resignation" effects. They wanted quick-fix solutions to build morale and motivate staff to stay and give 150%. And they wanted it done in a half-day teambuilding workshop.
At the end of these investigative meetings, I told the prospective clients that I was not the right match for their needs at this time. I offered an alternative recommendation for how to address their objectives when they were ready to invest more time and resources once they have settled into their post-pandemic operations.
Because I was holding on to pre-pandemic perspectives on how corporate training had to be done to be effective, my paradigm self-talk was saying:
"I don't believe in short-term fixes."
"I don't work with companies who are not deeply invested in their employees' long-term development."
"I'm not sure I am suited to work with corporate clients anymore."
If I had shifted my paradigm to adapting to the post-pandemic realities of what companies are working with now, perhaps I could have found a workable short-term solution and built the opportunity to follow up with a long-term solution when they were ready.
Dr. Covey teaches that "If you want small changes, work on your behaviour; If you want quantum-leap changes, work on your paradigms."
Here is a meaningful video where Dr. Covey shows us the impact of our paradigms.
3. Seeing the Possible in Impossible
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
Once when we were young, we believed in the impossible. As we get older and learn the rules of institutions, social acceptance and cultural norms, we start to see more impossibilities than possibilities. We also start to surround ourselves with only like-minded people and consume like-minded information.
In order to believe in the impossible and strive to make new possibilities we need to seek out diverse voices and broaden our understanding and perspectives. Challenge what you think is impossible with what benefit can be achieved in making it a possibility.
For Example:
For years I have wanted to blog, write a book or start a YouTube channel to spread my passion for igniting potential through purpose and self-development.
But when the pandemic hit and my contracts were postponed or cancelled, I started to reconsider what I thought was impossible. I started to investigate different online communities. I researched from various mediums to learn and broaden my understanding. I listed what the benefits were of starting a blog, writing a book and starting a YouTube channel.
Benefits of starting a blog:
To share my stories, experience and lessons which could help others find inspiration and comfort.
To share my message of self-development, self-care and self-worth beyond my geographical limits.
To grow my skills and potential to make a bigger impact.
Benefits of writing a book:
To offer self-development information and tools to a wider audience.
To grow my business
Benefits of starting a YouTube channel:
To show my artwork and demonstrate mindful art.
To help me teach and share with others.
When I had a broader understanding and could visualize the benefits, what I thought was impossible suddenly seemed possible. Diversifying the voices that I was listening to helped to quiet the voices that were limiting my potential and purpose.
Putting the Pieces of the Purpose Puzzle Together
"'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"
- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
After all the strange adventures that happened to Alice when she fell into the rabbit hole and discovered Wonderland, she questions who she is and is excited for the great puzzle that is life.
When look back at my career thus far, I have been working toward my life purpose all along.
I wanted to be a fashion designer to create clothes that make women feel confident.
Working in fashion retailing I could help my customers build wardrobes that gave them confidence.
Working in make-up artistry, I loved helping people to see their own beauty and how to enhance it.
Working in learning and development, I love helping people discover their potential and teach them how to amplify it.
In his book, Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl says "We don't invent our mission (in life), we detect it."
Hopefully, my 3 exercises will help you detect your purpose more easily.
1. Start With Some Ikigai Self-Reflection Questions
2. Check Your Life POV Prescription
3. Seeing the Possible in Impossible
I leave you with a great TED Talk on the Ikigai philosophy and how you can master your yellow belt level.
Additional Articles to read:
The Philosophy of Ikigai: 3 Examples About Finding Purpose - Online Article - PositivePyschology.com
Build a Life You Love - Online Article - AYCLimitless.com
Transform Self-Help Ideas Into Action - Online Article - AYCLimitless.com
I would love to hear your comments!
Have you found your IKIGAI?
What motivates you and gives you daily joy?
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