5 public speaking tips to help you calm your public speaking fears so you can connect authentically and resonate with your audience.
What is your worst public speaking nightmare?
The one where you get up in front of the audience and your mind goes completely blank?
The one where you've tested and rehearsed your presentation but when you go live in front of the audience and the AV equipment fails.
The one where you are live on stage in front of an audience of 2000, wearing a skimpy bathing suit and high heels, answering a surprise question by the beauty pageant show host as part of the swimsuit competition segment...
I have survived all 3 of the above public speaking nightmares and live to tell the tales.
(If you are curious about how I got into #3, you can check out My Epic 80s Romance.)
If speaking in public is at the top of the things you fear list, you are not alone. Glossophobia is the official name for public speaking anxiety. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, it affects 40% of the US population. In their studies also share that 75% of participants surveyed listed public speaking as their #1 fear.
The fear of public speaking is common because it's a natural fight-or-flight response in the primal part of our brain when we feel possible threats or danger. The danger we perceive in public speaking is the fear of judgment and rejection. In primitive times, that meant being ostracized by the tribe and ultimately starvation and death.
Today, the danger of being ostracized from our tribe may not result in starvation and death. But our fear of being embarrassed and rejected can still be paralyzing.
My fear of public speaking is connected to experiences in my early childhood. I learned English as a second language when I immigrated to Canada from Hong Kong at the age of six. Learning a new culture and language was hard enough. Being teased by other kids because I sounded different made me very shy and soft-spoken for most of my childhood.
As I got older, my English got better and I slowly learned to cope with my public speaking insecurities. I even took a public speaking course during my college years where weekly speaking assignments gave me the practice and feedback I needed to learn from my mistakes.
The 6-year-old me would never have guessed that I would choose a career in learning and development where public speaking was a core part of the job. And that I would grow to enjoy it!
My public speaking experiences include live national television and radio to corporate workshops, seminars and conferences all around the world. With a public speaking journey of over 20 years, you would think that fear and anxiety would have disappeared by now.
The past 3 years in a pandemic have put my in-person larger scale public speaking and teaching events on hold. As we emerge from our online screen meetings and presentations, I am feeling more anxious than I have in a long time about upcoming public speaking engagement opportunities.
So this week I am reminding myself that I have successfully dealt with my fear of public speaking daily throughout my career and revisiting what helped me to speak with confidence and authenticity.
Here are 5 public speaking tips to help you calm your public speaking fears so you can connect authentically and resonate with your audience.
1. Focus on What the Audience Needs
Whenever I get anxious about a public speaking event, I would overthink the details, wording and presentation to excessive minutiae. The more details I tried to jam in my head the fuller my fear and anxiety level grew.
It's easy to lose sight of why I am speaking in the first place, to give value to the audience with information or skills that will benefit and help them.
Once I remind myself of the purpose of the presentation, I can then focus on information or skills the audience needs to walk away with and the entire process becomes intentional and focused.
Preparing to speak with the perspective of the audience in mind guides the whole process.
For example:
Your preparation, research and creation become targeted to your audience's needs.
You tailor your delivery style and language to connect and resonate with your audience.
You anticipate audience questions and what you need to answer as a part of the presentation content.
See and feel the audience's perspective from their seats to understand visual needs and then adapt your position and eye contact accordingly.
You speak more naturally and confidently when you are not focused on your insecurities, but on what the audience needs from you as the speaker.
When you focus on the needs of the audience, they will feel your care and attention and will be more likely to engage and connect with you and your message. When you focus on their needs, you don't have time to worry about self-consciousness. As a result, you come across as more calm, more natural and more authentic.
2. Don't Get Caught Up in Your Notes
When I write a speech, presentation or facilitator's notes, I get very specific and detailed like I'm writing a screenplay. This is part of my preparation process as I begin to map out and script the content and delivery.
Writing it all down actually helps my brain to visualize and imprints the key points that I need to deliver. However, once I've written it all out, I have to let go of the detailed script and focus on the key speaking points only.
Trying to memorize the notes Ver Batum ends up sounding robotic and makes us more prone to freeze up when the adrenalin and nerves kick in.
If you can memorize and deliver your script with the natural performance skills of a trained actor, that's fantastic. Memorize as much as you want and perform it well.
Unlike acting in a performance where everyone has the same script and responds accordingly, real live audiences will react according to their own script that you have not been given.
Don't treat public speaking like a one-sided monologue with you as the sage on the stage. Think of it more as improv where you need to react to the energy and reaction of the audience.
Try the following techniques to not get too focused on your notes.
Let your notes be your guide for rehearsing the content you need to deliver.
Read them out loud to get comfortable with saying the words and phrasing the information in language that is natural.
Look for the most direct way to express your points and eliminate wordiness or rambling.
Organize summary bullet points for yourself so that you can glance, present and expand naturally.
Anticipate possible stories and antidotes that help you to illustrate your points when needed.
It's important to be well-prepared and organized. It's important to know your material well. But don't let your speaking notes limit your ability to connect with the audience.
3. Visualize Your Success and Use Positive Self-talk
My nervousness and anxiety before public speaking are my primitive brain's hardwired flight-or-fight reactions to a perceived danger. My mind will automatically try to protect me from possible embarrassment and rejection by conjuring up all the possible things that can go wrong in hopes that I will flee the situation.
If I give in to the negative spiral of self-doubt and negative self-talk, I will not be able to effectively communicate anything.
To break the negative thought loop, take a few deep breaths to calm the overthinking brain with some much-needed oxygen. Then use a technique called visualization to create a strong mental image of a successful public speaking experience.
Here is how visualizing success and positive self-talk can help you to calm public speaking anxiety,
Visualization helps you "practice" for success. When you imagine every step of an event or activity going well, your mind and body are ready to take those steps in real life.
Visualizing your success and giving yourself positive self-talk affirmations helps you believe and be more confident in your abilities to succeed.
Many top athletes are trained to visualize their goals right before a competition. They are trained to picture what they want to happen. When you visualize success, you build the self-confidence needed to perform well and increase your chances for success.
4. Match Your Verbal and Non-Verbal Message
In 1967, psychologist Albert Mehrabian revealed groundbreaking data, relating to the relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages. In Mehrabian's Communication Model, the equation for communication looks like this:
Total Emotion/Attitude Communicated = 7 percent Verbal + 38 percent Vocal + 55 percent Facial
The equation has become a standard for teaching communication and public speaking skills.
Although Dr. Mehrabian clarifies that his study dealt only with communications involving feelings and attitudes, it applies to many situations in daily life because we communicate feelings and attitudes daily.
How we say what we say speaks much louder than the actual words we use and can either help or hinder the message we want to communicate.
Here are some non-verbal tips to help you communicate confidence and authenticity when public speaking.
Non-verbal dos:
Sit or stand upright, with your shoulders back and your arms unfolded by your sides or in front of you. This communicates relaxed confidence and openness.
Stand in a relaxed manner, with your weight evenly distributed with one foot slightly in front of the other to keep yourself balanced.
Keep your head upright and level, not tilted too forward or back. Leaning too far forward or backward communicates overconfidence or aggression.
When making hand gestures, spread your hands open and in front of you, with your palms facing slightly toward your audience. This shows a willingness to communicate and share ideas.
Speak at a well-paced natural speed and enunciate clearly. Remember to vary your tone of voice and avoid sounding robotically monotone.
Avoid Non-verbal don'ts:
Leaning too far forward or backward can make you look aggressive or arrogant
Putting your hands in your pockets or slouching which can appear to be disinterested.
Avoid over-exaggerated expressions or arm movements as they may distract from your message.
Avoid darting eye contact and excessive blinking as that can come across as unsure and insecure.
Get feedback on your non-verbal communication skills. Practice presenting in front of a mirror or record yourself so that you can see if your non-verbal message is matching your verbal one.
5. Embrace Your Mistakes and Be Human
The self-inflicted stress I put on myself to be perfect when public speaking adds to my anxiety. The truth is that the audience has no idea when you've made a mistake or deviated from your presentation notes because they haven't read them.
Showing your audience that you are human can make you more relatable as a speaker.
If there are mishaps during your speech or presentation, keep your composure and adapt accordingly. If you suddenly get tongue tide and mispronounce a word, share a laugh with your audience.
I once did a live interview on an early morning radio talk show where I misheard the interviewer's question and spent 2 minutes answering the wrong thing before I recognized the confusion on the interviewer's face. I was mortified and had to choose between justifying my response and pretending I was right or admitting my mistake.
I chose to admit my mistake and apologized that my early morning ears were not fully awake yet. We had a laugh and some candid banter that made for a more authentic and entertaining interview.
Don't allow mistakes to throw you into negative self-talk or self-doubt. Remind yourself that nervousness is normal and can help you perform better while connecting you as a human being to your audience.
Getting Back to Sharing Knowledge IRL
I am reminding myself that the more I avoid my fears, the bigger they become. And that 3 years of public speaking hiatus does not erase decades of experience.
If you are brushing off your public speaking mic or building your public speaking skills remember that confidence comes with practice and experience.
Focus on What the Audience Needs
Don't Get Caught Up in Your Notes
Visualize Your Success and Use Positive Self-talk
Match Your Verbal and Non-Verbal Message
Embrace Your Mistakes and Be Human
Your voice and your message are uniquely valuable. Speak up and share it with the world.
Additional resources that may help:
Public Speaking Anxiety and Fear of Brain Freezes - Online Article - nationalsocialanxietycentre.com
5 Ways to Project Confidence in Front of an Audience - Online Article - HBR.org
Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are - TedTalk Video - www.youtube.com/@TED
I would love to hear your comments!
Where does public speaking rank on your list of fears?
What works for you when you get nervous in public speaking situations?
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