Building a Gratitude Mindset

How we view and respond to the daily stress in life determines the quality of life we choose to live. Here are 3 tips to train your brain to see with gratitude and control each day to be a better day.

Have you ever noticed how there's a cycle to stress? When you've had a stressful day and your thoughts automatically turn negative with complaints, resentment, and dissatisfaction which cause negative emotions, which then amplifies the stress...and leaves you feeling deflated and exhausted at the end of your day.

If this describes how you are ending your workdays, what energy are you bringing home to end your day with? How are you spending time with your family and friends? How are you spending your downtime before you go to bed, sleep and hit the repeat button on another busy day?

The negativity we carry from our daily stressors can drain happiness, joy and fulfilment from our work and personal lives if we let the stress cycle persist.

In last week's blog, 3 Reasons To Empower Yourself with Self-Care, I shared how the effects of stress and lack of self-care lead me to burnout and a health crisis. The negative narrative that I ended my days with was also an obstacle to taking better self-care.

Ending busy workdays in a negative thought cycle robbed me of many moments in my life that could have been more engaging, relaxing and joyful. Part of my recovery has been building a gratitude mindset that helps to break negative thought cycles.

Reframing my negative narrative has helped me to build awareness and empowered me to choose my response to daily stressors.

This week, I am sharing 3 tips for building a gratitude mindset. Instead of wallowing in defeat from stress and challenges in life, we can choose to see lessons and opportunities and build positive behaviour with gratitude.

Tip #1: Be Aware of Your Self-talk Narrative

The voices in our heads are the ones we listen to the most and determine our behaviour. Unlike iTunes or Spotify, we can't simply disconnect by taking off our headphones and earbuds. However, we can create a playlist that brings us balance and control vs. random emotional reactions.

What type of voice do you self-talk with? Are you critical, judgmental and reactively emotional? Are you calm, objective and rationally proactive? Or a combination of both?

On my stressful days after work, I would often dwell on problems, challenges and all the uncompleted items still on my to-do list. Or replay stressful issues like the meeting that didn't go as planned or the hiccups in various projects.

Here are examples of what my reactionary negative self-talk would sound like:

"There's still so much to do on Project X! I'm going to miss the deadline."

"I'm so frustrated with Team A! They should have gotten more done!"

"It's so unfair as now I have to take extra time to make up for their slack."

If I continued listening to the negative playlist, I would fuel the despair and get more stressed and anxious for the workday ahead. The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness would cast a shadow over my evening and derail my motivation to do self-care activities like exercising. The negativity would also inhibit me from fully enjoying my evening with my family or being able to relax.

Reactive and negative self-talk takes away your control and choice in your behaviour.

It takes self-awareness to tune into our self-talk narrative. It takes intention and discipline to choose proactive positive self-talk in times of stress.

Here are examples of what proactive positive self-talk would sound like:

"Project X is not where we hoped it would be. At least we are clear on what needs to be done and how to adapt the project timeline."

"Team A is behind in progress. We are aware of the challenges and how to help them."

"Tomorrow I can regroup with the teams and tackle the remaining issues together."

Positive self-talk is not dismissing stress and challenges but objectively reframing them so we can proactively choose the response and action. When we feel a sense of control, we can recover from the stress more easily and balance our emotions.

The problems will wait till tomorrow while you can rest and recharge better tonight.

To learn more about Proactive vs. Reactive self-talk, read the Franklin Covey blog below.

Be Intentional and Aware of Your Self-Talk - Franklin Covey Blog - Franklincovey.com

Tip #2: Say Thank You

Growing up Canadian, I learned to say "thank you" and "thank you so much" as a default response. I enjoy expressing gratitude and demonstrating gratitude with thank you cards, gifts and reciprocal actions. I did this not because I expected anything in return, but because it just felt good to make someone's day with a little gratitude. (Also because I love stationery and couldn't resist a beautiful thank you card set.😅)

I carried this habit throughout my corporate career and didn't realize the impact on the recipients until leaving my company after a 15-year long career. Amongst my farewell messages from colleagues around the world, I was surprised at how many mentioned that they kept my thank you notes as motivational keepsakes.

It feels good to be on the giving and receiving end of gratitude. So why don't we express it more often?

In a 2018 research article from The Association of Psychological Science titled,

Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation, the researchers summarized the following:

"Expressing gratitude improves well-being for both expressers and recipients, but we suggest that an egocentric bias may lead expressers to systematically undervalue its positive impact on recipients in a way that could keep people from expressing gratitude more often in everyday life."

"Underestimating the value of prosocial actions, such as expressing gratitude, may keep people from engaging in behaviour that would maximize their own—and others’—well-being."

Whether in the workplace or in our personal lives, embarrassment and ego can get in the way of truly expressing gratitude. Recognizing and acknowledging people for their daily contributions make a difference. People feel truly seen and valued when we sincerely express appreciation. Just remember to be specific and genuine in your message.

Saying thank you builds a gratitude mindset as it makes you more aware and appreciative. When was the last time you made someone's day?

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

John F. Kennedy

Find out more on the benefits of saying thank you with the articles below.

The Ripple Effects of Saying Thank You - Online Article - Greater Good Science Center

Why You Should Write More Thank You Notes - Online Article - Time Magazine

Tip #3: Capture Each Day's Gratitude

In my blog, "Doodling to Mindfulness", I share my journey to finding different mindfulness activities in recovering from a period of depression brought on by the pandemic. One of the activities that helped was journaling and including gratitude in my daily entries.

After a year of journaling regularly, my gratitude mindset is stronger and more automatic. Even on days when I am in a slump, I find something to be grateful for, no matter how small, and I feel a bit lighter and brighter.

Practicing gratitude has helped me to:

• Cope more effectively with daily stressors and challenges.

• Enriched relationships with family and friends.

• Enjoy more positive emotions and viewpoints on life.

• Strengthened my sense of optimism and enthusiasm.

• Built awareness of negative thoughts and how to minimize them.

"Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude."

Zig Ziglar

To learn more on how to journal with a gratitude mindset, see the article below.

The Benefits of Gratitude and How to Get Started - Online Article - Healthline.com

Benefits of a Gratitude Mindset

Human nature dwells easily on the negative rather than the positive simply as a part of our instinct to protect ourselves from possible dangers and threats. While this worked well for us in primitive times when daily stressors were food, shelter and not being eaten by a sabre tooth tiger. In our modern times, life is filled with stressors that bombard us by the minute in the form of emails, deadlines, an endless to-do list, and a pandemic.

A gratitude mindset helps us to understand that our experiences have meaning and value even in times of stress and challenge. Training our brains to react differently and breaking the negative thought cycle can help us to react and recover better in times of stress.

“An attitude of gratitude brings great things.”

Yogi Bhajan

Having a gratitude mindset encourages a more balanced perspective and makes us more aware of the gifts that life offers even in challenging times. A more balanced perspective and self-awareness help us to be more satisfied with life and we become less susceptible to negative thoughts and emotions.

The challenges we face each day are opportunities for greatness in future days, we just need to learn how to see them.

For more information on the benefits of practicing gratitude, here is an insightful article from PositivePsychology.com.

14 Health Benefits of Practicing Gratitude According to Science - Kori D. Miller - Article - PositivePsychology.com

I would love to hear your comments!

What are you grateful for today?

How can you benefit from having a gratitude mindset in your life?

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