We all can benefit from building stronger self-confidence to help us reach our most meaningful aspirations in life. Here are 5 tips to build self-confidence in areas of life where we need it most, in chasing our dreams and passionate life goals.
It's great to be back in my blogging chair after taking a much-needed self-care break. My heart is full of gratitude and optimism after spending 3 weeks on a long overdue reunion holiday with my family in Canada.
In my September blogs, The Next Phase of Parenthood and Family Connections That Endure, I focus on family and my insights as I navigate the evolving parent-child relationship
with my young adult sons.
Getting reacquainted with them this summer after 3 years apart as a family has taught me even more about Generation Z, their strengths, challenges and uniquely realistic views of the world.
My oldest son is graduating from university and my younger son enjoying his 3rd year of college. I could see their self-confidence growing in their abilities to navigate daily life and their ability to achieve tasks and goals related to their studies.
But when it comes to future plans and chasing their dreams and passions, their confidence levels waiver as they contemplate real-life full-time adulting.
This week, I share how to build self-confidence in areas of life where we need it most, in chasing our dreams and passionate life goals. Whether you are in your 20s, 30s, 40s or 50+ like me, we all can benefit from building stronger self-confidence to help us reach our most meaningful aspirations in life.
Understanding the Ebbs and Flows of Self-Confidence
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."
Helen Keller
The Psychology Dictionary defines self-confidence as,
1. Our self-assurance in trusting our abilities, capacities and judgements.
2. The belief that we can meet the demands of a task.
None of us are born with self-confidence, but we need to build it to survive and thrive in life.
Studies show that self-confidence is linked with positive mental health benefits such as:
A greater sense of self-worth
Greater enjoyment in life and activities
Freedom from self-doubt
Freedom from fear and anxiety, freedom from social anxiety, and less stress
More energy and motivation to act
More enjoyable time interacting with other people at social gatherings. When you are relaxed and confident others will feel at ease around you.
(Source: What Is Self-Confidence? - Online Article - positivepsychology.com)
Have you ever noticed how self-confidence ebbs and flows in different stages of our lives?
If there were a self-confidence scale of 0 (no confidence) to 10 (extremely confident), how would you rate yourself in the following situations?
Graduating from high school.
Entering your first year of university or college.
Graduating from university or college.
Starting your first career role/position.
Going into your performance appraisal after 2 years in your career role/position.
The first month in a serious relationship.
The first month as newlyweds.
The week of being a first-time parent.
Starting a passion project or life goal.
Chasing after your dream job, career or talent.
In situations that are new or where we have less experience, we may feel less self-confident. Then as we gain more knowledge and experience, our self-confidence rating increases accordingly.
When it comes to pursuing our passion project or chasing after our dreams, the self-confidence rating is often conservatively low. That's normal because our passions and dreams have great meaning to us, and attaining them is something we may have little experience with.
Chasing after our passions and dreams is also where we meet the most resistance from our self-doubt and insecurities. The natural fight or flight response to protect us from risk and danger often manifests itself as fear and self-doubt.
We need to muster our deepest courage when it comes to striving for things that matter most to us. We need to build our self-confidence in order to grow our capacity for achieving our most meaningful goals and dreams.
Luckily, self-confidence is buildable. Here are 5 ways you can build it for chasing your dreams and passionate life goals.
1. Let Purpose Overpower Your Insecurities
A purpose is an aim or intention. When you have a strong purpose to work toward, it gives you a focus that mutes the voices of insecurity and fear when chasing your passions and dreams.
So when I have a passion or dream that I want to work toward, I ask myself three questions that help me to clarify my purpose.
Why do I want to do this?
Who am I doing this for?
What impact do I want to have?
For example:
My dream is to become a writer.
I want to write to share my knowledge of self-development and self-help to uplift others.
I am writing for people who want to broaden their mindset and skillset in self-development of professional and personal leadership, gratitude and mindfulness, and positive psychology.
The impact I want to have is helping others to see their unique value and build their confidence to share it with the world.
When I answer these three questions, I get clarity on my purpose and intention. The dream I am chasing of becoming a writer is now bigger than just me. It becomes serving a specific outcome and the impact I want to achieve. Focusing on purpose and intention gives less room for insecurities and self-doubt to fester.
2. Be Honest in Assessing Your Abilities
We don't know what we don't know. This is the truth of life and yet we try to live it pretending to know everything in fear of appearing weak. If we want to build confidence to achieve our dreams and passions, we need to be honest with ourselves about our ability to do so.
Conducting a personal S.W.O.T (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) analysis is an effective way to help you assess where you are in your abilities to achieve your dreams and passions. This reflective analysis can help you to plan how you can maximize your strengths and opportunities and plan how to minimize your weaknesses and threats.
* The PDF of "My Personal S.W.O.T Analysis" is available for download on the Resources page of AYCLimitless.com
Here is a useful article from indeed.com, Guide: How To Write a Personal SWOT Analysis on how to write a personal S.W.O.T analysis with examples of how it can be applied to achieving different life goals and objectives.
3. Be Open to Asking for Help and Feedback
Asking for help and feedback is not a sign of low self-confidence. It is actually the behaviour of good self-confidence to be able to reach out for support and feedback.
Learning from others and getting viewpoints from a diverse community of people who you know and trust will help to broaden your perspective and knowledge, which will build your confidence. The key is to ask people with whom you have mutual trust and respect.
When asking for help and feedback, keep the following points in mind:
Find people who will tell it like it is, but do it from a place of love and support.
Find people who are able to listen deeply and are able to reflect and respond with understanding.
Communicate clearly your situation or challenge that you would like to get an opinion on or help with.
Communicate clearly your expectation of the form of help or feedback you are seeking.
Be objective when receiving feedback, especially if it's not what you expected.
Be appreciative and express gratitude for the time and attention of those who care enough to help you.
Asking for help and feedback is not asking for affirmation and agreement. In fact, it helps to have someone who sees things differently and is able to give you different perspectives. At the end of the day, you know your dreams and passions best, but their perspectives may help you understand how to achieve your goals even better.
4. Be Kind to Yourself in Times of Failure
Societal norms don't teach us to accept failure as a part of success, that you can't have success without some failure along the way. Societal norms make it hard for us to accept and deal with our failures, even though they are a normal part of growth and development.
In my blog, Building Resilience: How to Help Today's Youth Thrive IRL, I share how to build resilience in a youth culture that has been brought up to expect the best of themselves and their achievements.
Setbacks or failures are inevitable "brick walls" we all face in life. Resilience is a crucial ability that helps us to cope with mistakes, setbacks and failures so that we can grow, learn and achieve future successes. When we build our resilience, we build our self-confidence because we have gained skills to deal with adversity.
In times of adversity, challenge or failure, remember to be kind to yourself. Self-compassion is linked to self-confidence. There is no weakness in being human. Keep in mind the following:
Allow yourself to feel the emotions and a grieving process instead of just quickly trying to move on.
Reflect by journaling, and talking to a confidant, coach or mentor so that you can get an understanding of what happened and what lessons you can take away.
Add the experience to your self-confidence toolbox because you learned from it.
5. Know Your Value and Worth
We all have to start at the beginning of our journey to achieve our dreams and passions. And in the beginning, the jobs we take and the project we participate in may not generate the money or impact that we want. It's part of the process and journey.
Don't let your job title or income bracket dictate your confidence in your value and worth. A person's ability to influence is not measured by title or income.
All of us have a unique value that we contribute to this world we all share. Whether your circle of influence is large or small, you impact others. The choice is to be a positive impact or not.
All the material rewards in the world cannot define self-worth or self-confidence. That comes from building a gratitude and abundance mindset for the things that truly matter in a purposeful life.
"What I know for sure is that no matter how much wealth you come to possess, everything passes and changes with time. What is real, and what is forever, is who you are and what you are and what you are meant to share with the world."
Oprah Winfrey
Enjoy the Chase!
I am excited for my 20-something sons to start the chase for their life's dreams and passions. Just as I am excited about my own 50-something chase of dreams and passions to share positivity and light in hopes of helping others to see their unique value and worth.
I close this week's post with two more quotes that inspire me to be self-confident.
"There can be no failure to a man who has not lost his courage, his character, his self-respect, or his self-confidence. He is still a King."
Orison Swett Marden
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self."
Ernest Hemingway
Additional articles on building self-confidence:
How to Build Self-Confidence: Preparing Yourself for Success - Online Article - mindtools.com
How to Be More Confident: 9 Tips That Work - Online Article - verywellmind.com
How to Deal with Setbacks And Use Them for Future Success - Online Article - lifehack.org
I would love to hear your comments!
How would you rate your self-confidence score for chasing your dreams and passionate life goals?
Share a dream goal that you are chasing and where you are in your journey to achieve it.
How has self-confidence impacted your success or failure in achieving your most important goals in life?
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