5 Things I Wish I Knew at 22

The 5 pearls of wisdom I wish I knew at 22 that would have helped me live more bravely, authentically and intentionally. Timeless principles that apply for then and now.

If you read last week's blog "Raising Generation Z", you would have discovered that I have two sons aged 22 and 20. My older son is soon to graduate from university and I can hear both excitement and trepidation in his voice as he talks about his next chapter in life. It's exciting to step into real-world adulthood to start chasing his dreams and ambitions. It's terrifying not knowing where to start and suddenly not having professors and a grade point average to tell you how you are doing.

At 22, I would not have likely listened to advice from my parents on how to live my life. After being told what to do for 22 years, it was time to finally call my own shots, make my own decisions, make my mark in the world. Now in my 50s, reflecting on the trials and tribulations of my adult life, there are 5 pieces of wisdom that I wish I could have passed on to my 22-year-old self.

These pearls of wisdom would have helped me to avoid some of life's heartaches and distress as well as helped me live more bravely, authentically and intentionally.

Wisdom 1: Stay Youthful, Curious and Creative

From the time I was 13, I wanted to be 30. I wanted to get all the awkwardness and insecurities of growing up done with and emerge a confident, successful businesswoman. I was the Asian version of Jenna, the lead character from the 2004 rom-com "13 Going on 30", starring Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo. Jenna hated her awkward teenage life at 13 and makes a wish to be "30, flirty and fabulous". She then wakes up in her fully grown 30-year-old body, apartment and dream career. That's what I wanted. (Here is the 13 going on 30 movie trailer if you are curious.)

When I was 22, I still had the desire to be older. I related professionalism and accomplishment with maturity and age. I spent much of my young adulthood acting the part by being serious, being responsible, and acting much older than my age.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with accountability and responsibility. In fact, these attributes will help any young person distinguish themselves as promotion worthy. What I am saying is not to lose the sense of youthfulness and lightheartedness of being 22. I would tell the younger me not to be afraid to enjoy life a bit more. I would encourage her to follow her curiosity and have more adventures. I would tell her that her fresh perspective was a valuable asset, not one to be embarrassed by.

Chasing maturity and professionalism when I was just starting in my career meant that I would overthink issues and be conservative or cautious when presenting ideas. I was so scared of sounding naïve and failing with creative ideas that I would tell myself "You don't know anything." or "Your ideas are unrealistic." In doing so, I was stifling my curiosity, creativity and innovation. I was also devaluing my self-worth.

Let curiosity lead to continuous learning. It's important to learn continuously to broaden your perspective and knowledge because the world is continuously changing. When the "What if..." questions start to pop up in your head, investigate the possibilities. Some of the most innovative inventions came from "What if..." When you explore and learn from your curiosity, you allow for creativity and innovation to grow.

Aren't you glad someone asked, "What if we didn't have to slice our bread every morning?"

Wisdom 2: Nothing is Permanent, Mistakes Are Part of the Path

When I was in my 20s, any mistake I made felt like the end of the world.

• When I made a mistake in an email communication and hit reply to all instead of just to the sender.

• When I handed in a draft version of a proposal instead of the revised final version to my boss.

• When I ordered the wrong inventory quantity and what should have been 10 pieces became 100.

In each of these instances, I thought my professional reputation was ruined. I thought that these mistakes would be permanent black marks on some balance sheet of my character and capabilities. I was on Santa's "Bad Employee" list for life.

I spent much of my early career trying to be perfect as I equated it to professionalism. I created enormous pressure and stress on myself because I used my own time to ensure perfection didn't impact my productivity during work hours. I would bring work home with me and lose time with my friends, family and time for myself. This approach worked for a while but was not sustainable. The result was anxiety and burnout.

While we need to strive for quality results in our work, making a mistake along the way is inevitable. We gain valuable life skills by learning from our mistakes and learning how to recover from our mistakes. How we own up to and deal with our mistakes at work and in life is how we build our accountability and integrity.

I would tell my 22-year-old self that mistakes don't define you and they are not permanent regardless of how embarrassing or earth-shattering they may feel at the time. Mistakes are how we learn to be better at what we do and how we do it. Mistakes are opportunities for improvement and can even lead to innovation. We can not be bold and authentic if we live in fear of mistakes.

George Bernard Shaw

Wisdom 3: Behave Proactively vs Reactively

(Proactive is a state of calm vs Reactive as a state of emotional impulse.)

Life at 22 was much more reactive than proactive. I let things in life affect me emotionally and would respond impulsively. Perhaps it was the hormones of youth still in my system or the fact that the pre-frontal cortex* part of my brain was still forming. The impulsiveness and emotional reactiveness would often cause unintended and preventable conflicts in my young life. (*Pre-frontal cortex is the part of your brain where planning, decision making and executive thinking happens. It normally becomes fully developed around age 25.)

When I became a first-time manager at the age of 24, I had still not completely grown out of my reactive mindset and behaviour. I was in charge of a team of 8 employees who were primarily older and more experienced than I was. While I tried my best to be a fair and professional leader, I would sometimes become emotionally reactive during situations of high stress.

On good days, I was easygoing and even-keeled in how I led the team. But on stressful days, I would roll my eyes when staff conveyed work problems or become irritated when dealing with mistakes they had made. The unpredictable nature of my behaviour made it difficult to foster trust with my team and made for a stressful work environment for everyone involved.

I was lucky that my company saw potential in me despite my sometimes reactive behaviour. They sent me to training for new managers and that's where I learned the importance of being proactive vs reactive and the importance of both. The key take-aways for me that have helped me throughout my career are:

• Focus on what you can control rather than wasting energy worrying about what you cannot control.

• Take a moment to pause and breathe before acting in stressful situations.

• Be aware of your behaviour and consider the possible consequences, then choose actions accordingly.

• Spend more time being proactive to reduce the reactive situations from arising.

I would tell my 22-year-old self to be consistent in proactive behaviour that is thoughtful and calm when dealing with situations of high emotion. When you take a deep breath (or two), the oxygen is good for your brain and body so that the behaviour which follows is less stress-based. Interactions that affect relationships are worth taking a pause to consider the desired outcome before we act.

Michael J. Fox

If you are interested in learning more about Reactive vs. Proactive, click on the link below:

Definition of Reactive vs. Proactive and the Importance of Each - Article from indeed.com

Wisdom 4: There's a Difference Between Caution and Self-Doubt

When I was just starting out in my career at 22, I was cautious with every choice I made as if it were my last. I would research meticulously and weigh the pros and cons of what the right job choice was, the right project choice, and the right response to that email. Some of that caution was valid but some of it was based more on self-doubt than on being thorough.

Acting out of caution is good in instances where hard facts and numbers matter to the outcome of a decision. These facts can help you to make educated decisions. For example:

• The cost of living vs. the pay package

• The weekly hour and overtime expectations

• The company opportunities for learning and development

• The company opportunities for career advancement

• The compatibility of your skillset to the job scope and skills required

Acting out of self-doubt stems from insecurities and negative self-talk. These factors undermine courage and confidence to take on new opportunities and challenges. For example:

• I don't have enough experience so why bother applying for the job.

• I don't think my skills are good enough yet for what they are looking for.

• What if I don't fit into the company culture?

• What if I can't do the job?

• What if I don't like the job after I take it?

I passed up on opportunities when I was beginning my career because I thought I wasn't good enough yet. I passed up on an opportunity to apply for a promotion because my self-doubt talked me out of it. The self-doubt even stopped me from re-negotiating pay packages later on in my career.

It wasn't until I left my corporate career and became an entrepreneur that I better understood my value. I still battle imposter syndrome and little self-doubt voices in my head sometimes. When that happens, I look in the mirror and remind myself that I am brave, capable, and worth it.

You can read more on my short story to becoming a blogger and a life of battling self-doubt in my blog "It's Never Too Late to Turn a New Page".

Wisdom 5: Enjoy the Journey and the Destinations

Sometimes in life, it's hard to stop and smell the roses along the way because life's busyness has us up to our eyeballs in the stresses of daily life. After graduating from university, I was full-throttle into establishing a career and making my own way in the world. Just like when I was 13 going on 30, I couldn't wait to get older. What was my rush?

I remember always chasing a deadline, a project, the next big thing for my career. There was always a next. Focusing so much on the next thing often made me blind to the value of the current thing that I was doing.

I had a wonderfully diverse career that allowed me to see the world, meet incredible people and impact others in so many ways. I wish I had taken the time to enjoy the journeys and destinations more instead of focusing so much on the preparations, meetings and tasks. I stressed so much on my job to create inspiring experiences for the teams I lead, that I often neglected to enjoy more alongside them.

I would tell my 22-year-old self to enjoy the journeys and destinations on the way to creating the life I wanted because that is life. In the end, it's the experiences, connections and people that are the true value in the years of a career, not the titles, emails, meetings and presentations.

So while we do have to get through our days of busyness to get to the life we want, stop to enjoy the journey and the moments and give yourself a pat on the back for all that you are achieving.

The Journey Continues

Now in my 50s, looking back at my winding path to where I am today, I would not change a thing. Life is never as expected and the past 2 years of pandemic times continue to prove this point. Each chapter has taught me valuable lessons even if I couldn't see them at the time. There were plot twists along the way so painful that I thought I could not survive. There were also plot twists along the way that lead to joy I could not have dreamed of.

So whether you are 22 or 52, I hope you gain some "Ah-ha" moments in this blog to help you along your journey to living life with intention, authenticity and bravery.

Leave me a comment! I would love to hear from you.

If you had a time machine, what wisdom would you share with your 22-year-old shelf?

Which of my 5 pearls of wisdom resonated with you?